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I just want you to know...

YOU: So, I'm in love with you. I know that you know that, and thats why you are avoiding me, but i guess it has to be said again.

I go to your myspace everyday, and i look at your beautiful new girlfriend, and how she's now in your #1 space in your top 8. I see how i lasted a total of 3 days in your top 8.  I was even #1 for about a day... But complaining about that is trivial.

I miss our conversations. Our 2 in the morning car rides. Our walks. The intimacy.

 AND THE THING IS is that i cannot get mad at you! Im not even asking to be your girlfriend. Im asking for you to think of me once in a while, just so i can know i crossed your mind. A phone call once a month or something.

AND SURE, im jealous. But im more happy for you; when you are in a relationship, you are so happy.

 I will always think of you when i hear this song:

"I know it isnt fair/ to expect you to care/ For someone who won't get well/ I think we can both tell/ That this is the final night/ To get this goodbye right/ So i hope that when i leave/ You will still think of me/ Not as i am today/ But as someone you wanted to stay./"

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I want to be in love, but not with just anyone...(although i have someone in mind maybe... hehe)

EDIT** i want a date to snowball... b/c its my last year.

I want to be with a guy who really is a Man.

A guy who calls me beautiful instead of hot.

A guy who kisses my forehead and cheek.

A guy who lets me fall asleep on his shoulder.

A guy who looks at his friends and says "thats her.."

A guy who understands what its like to go through something big.

A guy who i can have intellectual conversations with.

A guy who can at least dance a little... and can be taught lol.

I DO NOT WANT A GUY WHO IS LIKE A FEW OF MY Xs.

A  guy who is actually a boy.

A guy who doesnt have any friends or a life besides me.

A guy who doesnt know how to touch a girl.

A guy who falls in love fast and then drops them a few days later.

A guy who doesnt understand families other than the kind that he has.

A guy who is passive-aggressive.

A guy who has slept with more than 9 (yes, 9!) people.

A guy who is actually after a friends with benefits relationship.

A guy who is SO immature, that he only thinks about himself.

A guy who threatens to hurt me if i wont stay with him.

A guy who is rude to me and hurts me just so ill think that i cant get better than him.

A guy who has a 4 week limit!

A guy who, when you are hurt, says "Well, just try not to THINK about it."

A guy who is under 17.

IN OTHER WORDS, i dont want a guy like MARK, or BILLY, or VICTOR, or DUSTY, or CALEB or RYAN or even DAVID, although he has most of the good qualities, he still has major bad ones.

(and im not going to say which X had the bad qualities...)

WELL, all of my exs have some good qualities, or i wouldnt have dated them.

AND, all the guys that i will date will have some bad qualities.

BUT, i happen to be extremely sick of a few of my exs.

And this came out.

I DO like someone. His name is *********** tee heee hee.

We have something in common that MOST people dont!

But he doesnt feel the same. Thats ok though, b/c ive really found some great people here.

And im generally happy when im out of my house.

SO, have a great day!

<3sara

OH, and if you like Panic! At the Disco, HelloGoodbye, the Acceptance, and The Academy is... Tell me. i have an extra ticket.

"My faith couldn't take the weight..." ~ Her Space Holiday

SO, things have been kinda hard lately... And its really getting to me that i dont have my very close friends and sister here with me. (Miss you Sarah, Andrea and Aijah!)

BUT... I must say that i felt so much better when a couple people here said that they are here for me... You guys have no idea how much that means to me. Daniel and Hannah, yall are way too sweet.

SO, in saying that, im pretty sure that things will be going up from here.

06 has GOT to be better than 05!!!

I hope that yall have a good weekend! if you like the new pic or layout, tell me lol. OH, and if u want to see my new myspace look, check it out HERE.

Currently Listening Razorblade Romance By H.I.M. Buried Alive by love see related

"This is the point that i fall apart for the 2nd time this week...." ~ Her Space Holiday

JUST FUCKING STOP, ok???

I know, ive fucked up.

You DONT know how to fix it, but thanks for saying that you'll BE THERE FOR ME, and that you LOVE ME, and that you DONT COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND but you know that its HARD and that you HOPE that it will be ok.

OH WAIT, you didnt say that.

SEVERAL OF YOU!! Just fucking telling me what a fuck up i am, how wrong i am...

DONT YOU THINK that if you have to say it, that ive already thought it?! That ive thought it to the uMpteenth degree?

Dont you think that i know what a screw up i am?

WELL, I DO.

And now im dealing with it the best that i can.

IF YOU WANT TO HELP?!

Just tell me that you love me. THATS IT. B/c ive heard everything else you have to say from a lot of other people already. BELIEVE ME, IT ISNT NEW.

At the moment i feel like there is ONE person i can go to... b/c he looked at me today and said "you know, you can always talk to me. about anything."

But i know that daniel doesnt want to hear about this. so yeah, i basically feel alone.

SRY, im just pissed and this isnt just about one person.

I KNOW THAT YOU THINK IT IS sarah but its not. And i dont treat you like one of my HIGH SCHOOL GROUPIES b/c i dont ahve those. I have a few good friends, and ur def at the top of the list.

But sometimes i dont want ur advice. B/c it wont work w/me... even though u seem to think you know everything about what i should do w/every aspect of my life.

"If i should die before i wake, pray no one my soul to take. If i should wake before i die, rescue me with your smile..."